How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
