my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
