the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
