I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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