So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He better not be in your backpack
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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