I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
