So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
