my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the day after is always just damage control
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
