my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
