puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
