i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
