My room smells like vodka and shame
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
