We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
