the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
