I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
