You're completely useless in the revolution.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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