There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
