i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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