4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
