I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
