she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
