You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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