woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
nutella sex= disaster
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
