'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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