I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
