we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
