His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
