So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
