the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
