If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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