I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
