He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
