i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
