he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
