No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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