Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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