Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
