I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
where are you?
Hypothermia
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
