Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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