I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
