If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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