Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
