I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
