so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
