Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
