Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
