I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
