I must be too annoying 4 u.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
