Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
