Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
