And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
