just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
