no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
